It's been three years

The last Saturday of October in 2019.

The day my life became a living hell.

The night I had a major crisis, unable to breathe because of the heavy pain attacks I was in.

The first time I was sent away by doctors because I just had ‘the flu’.

It’s been 3 years since Lyme Disease took my life.

It’s been 3 years that my life is unpredictable going up and down, but downwards overall.

In those 3 years, I lost my job, quitted some of my hobbies, went bedridden, lost many social contacts, been in and out the hospital.

I tried several treatments unfortunately without succes.

Now I’m completely without treatment awaiting a new clinic, new doctors, new tests, new treatment plans.

It makes me extremely sad, wondering what I’ve could have accomplished if only I wasn’t sick.

Would I have a steady job?

Maybe lived in my own house.

Maybe I would’ve gotten engaged by now.

Where am I now? In bed or on the couch most of the days.

Unemployed, fighting insurance companies who took away my income because they don’t believe I’m sick and disabled because ‘I don’t look sick’.

I’m still in and out the hospital several days in a month.

I still get sent home, dismissed, gaslit, by doctors.

I try and fight for my health, for my life, for my rights every day in so many ways you don’t understand. And it’s exhausting.

As if being chronically ill is not bad enough itself.

So today I mourn my health, the life I had, the life I could've had.